The highs and lows of working in the outdoors as a female

This has been a subject that I think about often. The world we live in now, the world that once was and the one that it is going to become. If someone tells me again to only live in the present, please don't, I've heard it way too many times. I get it, I understand the concept, we've got no control over the pre or post but It's not how my brain is currently working. I can't ignore the history of how we got to be here (it's fascinating what people have gone through and think about how many stories we don't know) and also to think about what I want the future to look like, as I feel this has an impact on my now.

Everyone has different experiences, depending on all the different aspects of an individuals life. Who you're parents were what there upbringing was like. What education you got. What food you ate. What role models you had.

Working in the outdoors I have found to be quite a male dominated industry. At College and Uni where I studied, the lecturing staff were mostly male. My first job in the outdoor industry had a male management team. I was the only female in my group during my Mountain Leader training and I have worked on jobs as the only female leader. It sort of became the norm, as in I came to expect it. I went into the outdoor industry because I'm a doer, I don't do well staying still for very long. (Guesses how long it took me to write this).

Within all these different ares, I have come up against struggles, derogatory comments and sexist remarks made at me. The looks I get and the innapropriate physical contact. I've been treated as an object, something that can just be used and thrown away. I have felt that power trip men can get, when individuals take charge and have no knowledge of how it's impacting others because it's only their ego they care about. I've been told I haven't got what it takes because I'm not strong enough, not fit enough, or just because I'm not a man. I have been treated like a nobody, ignored and pushed to the back of a group when climbing mountains because they don't want to be seen to be behind a woman. I have been confronted with their anger that they can't control and been told to smile 'it's not that bad', when they have no concept of what it's like to climb a mountain on day two of your period. I have been pulled from jobs because the manager wants his guy mates with him on the job instead. I've witnessed men putting down other women infront of other men, like it's funny to them and something to bond over. I have worked with a lot of ex military, who have been conditioned to think this way and think it's free speech to be racist and sexist. I have left jobs because of to consistent repetitive behaviour. I have tried to ignore it, speak up about it and change the dialogue, but we all know that we can't change others, we can only change ourselves. I've been told that it's just their personality, they're set in their ways. As much as I would love to say I could stay in a job where I can tolerate all these things, I can't. It is so built within me not to stay in a place where I feel people are intentionally saying or doing things to hurt others. I don't get it and I don't like it.

Yes, it can look like I'm running away from something difficult and this is when I would look to the past and bring up the stories of women who never got a say, who were put through horrendous circumstances which they fought against, some who didn't survive and which has impacted the world today, changing for the better to give women a lot more freedom and choice, then what it was before. When, dare I say it, men were making the rules.

I have worked hard to create a network of inspiring people around me, ensuring that there is trust and honesty. Giving me confidence in those times of uncertainty. Staying true to what I beleive in and helping me grow my passion and persue all the things I love and bring me joy.

The more that I learn and I read and talk to others about this subject do I find that I'm not alone in this. Sometimes, that strength, is enough to keep you going and keep your head heald high. Sometimes though it's not and there's another lesson to learn. Learning to be confident in you're own skin and have compassion for ourselves when we feel like we are being attacked, whether physically or emotionally is hard. It takes a lot of work and a lot of patience. How many women do you know in this society that have time. Surviving alone can feel like a struggle and then there's more expectations put on us, to provide children, have a career and bring another income to the household, be intelligent and caring but sexy and adventurous too. I feel there's a big weight on our shoulders. I've got lots of views and opinions that offer in no way an answer, but what I have learnt and where I am with it now is; the more I say things out loud the easy it is to understand my thoughts and come to my core values around the matter. I will have different conversations with different people, there will be organisations that I work in and thrive in, because the communication is open and there is trust in the group. I know there will continue to be difficult conversations and unconfortable situations but I will always use them to learn from and move forward.

Sharing stories with others holds a lot of power and I will not let other peoples views and opinions of me squash what I am most passionate about.